When things get rough, I try to find a quiet place and count my blessings. The last three weeks? Let’s just say they’ve been a bit turbulent. Two Thursdays ago, ER visit. One Thursday ago, in the midst of the worst strep/flu ever. And this Thursday(yesterday) I spent my entire evening in bed trying to sleep off a migraine. The past week has not been kind, in terms of head and pain. 5 out of 7 days, I’ve had some degree of migraine/severe headache. Not good. This morning I woke up with the same one from yesterday, so I’m just drinking water and doing what I can to aid in the potential pain fading. Eat on time, medicine, pressure on temple, breathing, no bright light. All the good stuff.

The encouraging part? It is Friday. And I have the ability to get out of bed, to swallow, to smile, to dress myself. There is a roof over my head. Public transit to take me to a job that pays me well enough to live and feed myself. I have family to call if I need a little uplifting during the day. I have a great big heart and a superduper affectionate cat. Excellent music in the headphones.  The ability to feel emotion, to make decisions, to add a little kindness to the gruff. So many little wonderful things that can easily be overlooked in the throes of chronic pain. Most of the week has involved some squinting and wincing and going to bed early to fight it, but in between I’m trying oh so hard to value every minute of feeling good..hurting or not I’m alive alive alive. And I just can’t complain about that.

I feel no need for any other faith than my faith in the kindness of human beings. I am so absorbed in the wonder of earth and the life upon it that I cannot think of heaven and angels.

-Pearl S. Buck

So the results of my heart test(echo.) are in my doctor’s hands. However! Their offices are closed until Monday.

 AaaaaaHHHHhhhhhhrrrrrggGGGGGggghhh.

Eh, all I can do is laugh about it and fine tune the art of patience. Sigh.
I’d just like to know, man. I’d just like to know.

I dedicate today to the Jackson 5.

p.s.:

Going to the hospital this morning to have my echocardiogram, to see if I do indeed have mitral valve prolapse. This should be fun(there is no sarcasm in that sentiment, mind you). It’s basically a sonogram of the heart, and I can only hope the machine will be turned just enough towards me so that I can see the grainy twitching of my chest pump. 

One more dance
Around this house
Another walk
Around this city
I haven’t called anything home yet
Except that feeling I get
when it’s Eartha or Cecil
or I’m writing or it’s summer or I’m coming
or I’m in the throes of goosebumps
at the top of the coaster at the start of the drop
or between clean sheets that feeling I get
standing in front of live music
that feeling I get that no slow trapdoor’d aorta
can squander or shove into floods

that je ne sais quoi that keeps me afraid
to lose any to miss all of it

Fall seven times, stand up eight.  ~Japanese Proverb

go me!

What a fantastic movie. What a fantastic way to spend a Sunday evening–laughing. Not only at the hilarity and wonder of the film, but also every time I heard my dear Katie laugh, I started giggling too. That infectious thing? Not just a myth.