From Law & Order to the presidential race of ‘08, here comes Fred Thompson.  In the new Rolling Stone, there is a fantastic article that pretty much rips him to shreds.  He wants to be president. He’s been quoted as saying the following in regards to playing one on tv and being one in reality: “neither one of ‘em are hard.”

Anyway, read the article.

I just want to say that I think having an actor as president is horrific in a fantastic way.  Reagan did it. Life in Hollywood, how the famous are treated and perceived, is quite different from Ronnie’s days though.  I think a lot of Americans feel “relieved” to see a familiar face in office. If you watch Law & Order in a dedicated, consistent manner, then Fred Thompson is in your living room at least once a week.  Like an old friend, eh? 

Personally, I think it’s a damn joke that he’s running.  It was so last minute that I wonder if he felt peer pressured to do so because of the hype, or his actor street cred, whatever you want to call it.  But how poetic is it–Hollywood in the big house.  People eat that stuff up.  We live in a time where Britney Spears’ hair clippings and half-empty Red Bull can are sold on e-bay.  We know the name of her kids and the status of her downfall better than we know our neighbors, or that person we see on the bus 5 mornings a week.  Pop culture is small talk. 

 As Americans, the media has shown us more socialite vagina than war casualty facts.  We text instead of shake hands.  Everything is too personal, but estranged. 

 I see a common thread between Tinseltown and the White House though–drama/scandal pave the roads to both.  Hell, some politicians deserve their own star on the Walk of Fame at this rate–lying with a poker face and feigning regret when caught. 

I could go on, but that’s all I have time for.

because now or never and
i don’t want to forget her so
i’m squinting through my yawns and water and
staying up past the carriage back to
pumpkin like a beta tape rewind function
just to say i met a Mary today
she had a great handshake
I wish more women
had powerful extend-to-connects like this
she:
Type 1 diabetic who
gave herself the insulin shot
in cambridge when i stepped off the bus to take a piss
done out of this “i’m used to it” respect
that stepped me back
i told her
i have chronic pain
we didn’t talk long about it
which was great
right to the meat of the conversation
mary is from bowling green and has five kids
she’s 44
had the first before her 18th birthday and
the father left her when she was 6 months pregnant
her 26 year old son is in truck driving school
and a brand new father himself
her boyfriend is 13 years older than her
when they go to bed at night
he has to leave a light on
and she hates it
she will get up and turn it off and he’ll get right back up
turn it back on
she repeated my name within moments of introduction
she said “if you don’t remember it within the first few minutes then you’ll never get it”
she had kind of wild hair like mine
she doesn’t drink regular juice
she drinks baby juice
“less sugar”
she leaned her seat back in line with my tilted one
because she couldn’t stand to see them cockeyed
Mary
was going to Hazelton, PA
her grandmother will probably ask her to clean the baseboard again
and her father will probably talk her out of it
and when she came onto the bus
and spotted the empty seat next to me
she said
Can I sit with you girl?
And somewhere between Wheeling and Pittsburgh
we reminisced about that moment
laughed about it
“you probably didn’t know what to think of me
when I call you girl”

and i said
“well,
at least you didn’t call me butthead.”

This day has been one helluva roller coaster. My relationship is ending. My dad’s girlfriend is losing her father. Got to see Bob Log III at the Warhol. Found out I’m being audited.

Oh, joy.

I just finished packing for Ohio–going home for the weekend to see the family.

I feel like every thread of me is fraying.

What ever passion you have in the thrill of your veins–treat it well. It does give back.

Livejournal has a wonderful feature which allows you to convert your journal, in its entirety, to a PDF document. I have kept one from 2000 to 2006, and I am currently picking through the entries, and it has become a landfill of memories. I get the looking glass cracked view into a couple lives that I lived. It is not now, because I cannot be–it is something gone but existing in new silver blisters in the thread, caught when they catch the light. Most of these moments, despite size or imporance, would be gone if I did not write. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again and again–if some things were never written down, I would not know of them.

I can tell what ever it is that I was hiding at the time, when I read certain cryptic sentences. There are run on statements from crying in the library and recaps of trips taken, the days and weeks with headaches and random thoughts. I quoted songs that I could not sing back to you anymore and inside jokes that I can’t laugh at anymore–it’s strange, you know. You can’t just lay out years of a life like that all the time. I can only spend minutes at a time doing this because any more than that is too much. I don’t remember being that quiet or being that adament about decisions that existed to yank at what I had in my grip at the time(which is and always will be nothing, though we think we have possessions to our limb we are just a figure still being sketched, pretending we aren’t fugitives).

And now a little happy grin–just received word that a poem I submitted as been accepted. Small press, but still press. Sweet.

 

The abandoned monkey who has found love with a pigeon

They’re an odd couple in every sense but a monkey and a pigeon have become inseparable at an animal sanctuary in China.

The 12-week-old macaque - who was abandoned by his mother - was close to death when it was rescued on Neilingding Island, in Goangdong Province.

After being taken to an animal hospital his health began to improve but he seemed spiritless - until he developed a friendship with a white pigeon.

The blossoming relationship helped to revive the macaque who has developed a new lease of life, say staff at the sanctuary.

Now the unlikely duo are never far from each other’s side, but they aren’t the only ones to strike up an unusual friendship.

Earlier this year a pig adopted a tiger cub and raised him along with her piglets because his mother couldn’t feed him.

And in 2005 a baby dear named Mi-Lu befriended lurcher Geoffrey at the Knowsley Animal Park in Merseyside after she was rejected by her mother.

Whatta Man, Whatta Man, Whatta Mighty Good Man - 26

Reply to: pers-418766085@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-10, 1:13PM EDT

Salt N’ Pepa wrote that song about me back in ‘92. Maybe you’ve heard it?

True story. Cheryl and Sandy were TOTALLY into me after attending a dance-off competition in Pittsburgh and witnessing my spicy moves and shirtless bod.

After what appeared to be a long deliberation, they both decided to ask me out simultaneously. I graciously declined, as a local children’s hospital required my presence for a cystic fibrosis fundraiser. In response to my community generosity and hot dance moves, the song was created.

If you’re interested in learning more about my man-ness that makes you say “whatta,” send me a line and we can shoop.

Guy with a sense of humor - m4w

Reply to: pers-418787692@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-10, 10:32AM PDT

Hello,
Let me introduce myself. I am an employed (yes I have a job) Network professional. I am 47, 6’ tall with brown eyes, some hair (both of them) and I live in San Diego. I am a very particular and discriminating kind of guy, and you must meet the following 10 Rules.
1. You must be a woman over 18. Warm and breathing are preferred, but detectible heartbeat is optional.
2. You must be able to form a full sentence. Grunts and clicks are ok with readable facial expressions or some form of interpreter. Hand signals are also an option but please don’t yell when using them, I also have problems with accents in this case.
3. You must enjoy the dark. Closed eyes and blindfolds are also acceptable, but no peeking. I find that women enjoy their time with me more if they can’t see me.
4. You must have a full understanding of “Fuzzy Math” i.e. 1cm is = to 1 ft. You will be very impressed with my endowment if you have this understanding.
5. You must have a place of your own. The overpass on the interstate is not a place nor is the UPS box that Joe gave you. At least three boxes must be available for our time together.
6. Smoking is ok provided it is not during our intimacy while you are watching Oprah. I hate competing with that Witch. I also have issues with Jerry Springer and reruns of I love Lucy.
7. No clowns. It’s hard to get the white makeup off my shirts and honking of horns to show your pleasure can get annoying. This can also lead to performance anxiety on my part as I can’t be sure if you are enjoying the moment or I have done something wrong.
8. You must never end or start our time with the words, “that will be $300” I would not be posting here if I had $300.
9. You must enjoy time spent with a good natured fun loving man who has a great sense of humor (if not warped and twisted) and enjoy not being judged or objectified by same. Be drug and disease free as am I. I will respond to all who reply as I assume you meet rules 1 and two. Hit me back if you think I may be the kind of Jerk you are looking for.
10. You must have read this ad to this line.

Simple - 36

---

Reply to: pers-418409202@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-09, 11:16PM CDT

You want sex, so do I, you are not gross and I am not either !!

Gunman gets chop during karate robbery

BOGOTA (Reuters) - A karate academy was not the best target for a robbery, a Colombian thief found when his attempt got the chop from practicing students, police said on Friday.

The robber was recovering in a hospital in Santander province north of Bogota after the martial artists used their combat skills and took away his gun.

“An individual entered a martial arts school with a firearm but they managed to react, put their knowledge to use and disarmed him,” Santander police commander Col. Julio Cesar Santoyo told local Caracol radio.

“I love it when a plan comes together.”

Student Suspended Over Stadium Prank

A high school student who tricked football fans from a crosstown rival into holding up signs that together spelled out, “We Suck,” was suspended for the prank, students said.
Kyle Garchar, a senior at Hilliard Davidson High School in suburban Columbus, said he spent about 20 hours over three days plotting the trick, which was captured on video and posted on the video-sharing Web site YouTube. He said he was inspired by a similar prank pulled by Yale students in 2004, when Harvard fans were duped into holding up cards with the same message.
At the end of the video, Garchar wryly thanks the 800 Hilliard Darby High School supporters who raised the cards at the start of the third quarter during last Friday’s football game.
“It couldn’t have been done without you,” reads the closing frame of the video.
Garchar, 17, created a grid to plan how the message would be spelled out once fans in three sections held up either a black or white piece of construction paper.
Directions left on stadium seats instructed fans to check that the number listed on their papers matched their seat numbers. Darby supporters were told the message would read “Go Darby.”
“It was tedious,” Garchar said. “I didn’t really think it was going to work.”
But it did, and everyone at Davidson has been talking it ever since, said Jordan Moore, a junior.
“That was the ultimate in-your-face,” he said. “I think it was ingenious.”
Davidson Principal John Bandow had told students that he expected them to show sportsmanship at the game, which Darby won 21-10.
Bandow gave Garchar three days of in-school suspension and banned him from extracurricular activities for a semester, the students said. Two Darby students who helped Garchar received the same punishment after the principals from both schools spoke by phone.
Hilliard schools spokeswoman Michelle Wray said she couldn’t confirm the punishment because the Federal Education Rights and Privacy Act forbids the release of student disciplinary information.
“We weren’t expecting it to be such a severe punishment,” said Jen Trimmer, 17, one of the students involved. “We just thought it was all in good fun.”

Here is the video of the prank in all its glory:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=lemhDgYLbT0

Sporting Uruguay thieves wait on customers

MONTEVIDEO (Reuters) - Three thieves robbing a sporting goods store in Uruguay spent half an hour waiting on customers before making their getaway with merchandise and the money from the till, police said on Wednesday.

The armed gang held up the store in an upper-middle-class neighborhood of the capital, Montevideo, on Tuesday. They locked up one store employee in a back room and forced another clerk to hand over money and sporting goods.

Then some customers came in, and the robbers sold them goods for about 30 minutes before jumping into a truck where a driver was waiting for them.

A police spokesman told Reuters that detectives were investigating the case but did not yet know how much was stolen.