My apologies for not doing a better job with updates. My reason is that simple kind of difficult–I haven’t been able to write. I make numerous attempts on a daily basis–I get up early to hit the keys and sure I get sentences but it’s slow coming. There is nothing worse for me than not being able to write(besides migraines but at this point that’s a given).

I finally calmed down about it and put my nose in the books. Lots of poetry. A strange little collection that works. It reminded me that it will come back, I just need to be patient. Life will get in the way which is quite alright. What else am I gonna write about anyway?

I’m writing about my father. I can’t believe I haven’t said more about him before in that medium. Maybe here or though but complete thoughts are brand new and now that I’m getting older, I’m figuring out a bit more about who I am, and where I come from. I see a lot of him in me, and I’m proud of that. He’s never been anything but proud to me. I downplay how incredibly lucky I am, having a father like him. He raised me–without him, I would not have made it. He taught me a lot about having heart behind the things that you do, and he never made me feel crazy during my low times and mistakes.

I called my mother for the first time in almost a year earlier this week. She didn’t answer, but she called back and left me a voicemail. I have yet to attempt contact again. I’m so scared to do it. I’m not sure what kind of relationship I can forge with her, and I’m tired of being let down by the hope that maybe this time will be different. At the same time, I cannot be twenty-six years old and still pouting about what I could never change, what I never had control of to begin with. I’m still not sure what I want. I’m not sure what re-establishing contact would create.

In other news, I’m reading up on a drug called Namenda. It is alzheimer’s medication that they are now testing as a migraine medicaiton. The results of the studies are pretty promising. It works best for migraine sufferers who have tried other methods with little or no success. I may post some of my research on the subject here, for archiving purposes and for anyone’s interest. I’m definitely interested.