bricbrac
Monday, September 22nd, 2008I’m allllmost done with my application process for school. It’s funny how quickly one’s anxiety can turn into a great bit ball of anticipation and excitement. Truly, the main source of the anxiety is doubting my own ability to do my best, which is a silly-silly doubt if you just stop and think about it. “Stop and think” sounds like such an easy reflex but sometimes the mind has a way of bypassing this step, taking me right to worst fear city. I am an academic spirit at heart and I know that once the application process is complete and I meet with an advisor/get my classes in order, I’ll be one very happy lady. I know that sometimes paperwork & process can get overwhelming and even discouraging but I am focused on trudging through the forms and fill-outs to get where I want to be. The only way is through.
Yesterday I rode over to the library for a poetry reading. Both of the women reading were also professors. I really attached myself to Barbara’s poems about her family. Her poems had a way of leading me along very nicely by the brain and then WHAM–something in the middle would sink an arrow into the thickest meat of my heart. I loved that she invited Sharon(the other poet reading) to help her read a poem–they had a back/forth that reminded me of the piece that Renee and I wrote together(oh my dear lady we should write more!) and I couldn’t help but grin while watching them overlap the ends of their sentiments perfectly. Sharon had an affection for rhythm and sound and I loved that she had no qualms about telling the audience this before she began her set. She played the guitar for one poem and all my internal light bulbs started tinkering to life. I’m so happy that I attended. Next month(October 19th), Jan Beatty and Tess Barry will be reading.
After the reading, I went out to watch the Steelers game with James and Laura. We spent at least an hour trying to convince James to dress up as Sigourney Weaver (Ghostbusters era, to be exact) for Halloween, but he wouldn’t budge. I will not give up hope! I kept yelling at the television screen(oh cathartic, frustrating football). J and L had to split early to attend a prior engagement, so I walked to Katie’s new place of residence and continued my yelling at the television in her room. She picked this brilliant blue/teal kaPOW paint for the walls. I was a little worried about the fumes triggering my migraines but the windows were open and everything was fine. I like the smell, but I don’t like what the smell will do to my noggin. We watched the McCain and Obama interviews on 60 minutes and I helped her slap the blue on the last bare walls. There’s something incredibly romantic and relaxing about rolling color on a large scale. During the walk home I told myself to paint more. I have a bit at home but need to stock up on that, and some canvas.
I ended up sitting on the porch last night for a while in the dark, listening to music and watching the towers blink red in the distance. I felt that deepbelly shiver of a true sort of happy. The entire day seemed to lead up to that feeling.
During my lunch today I ended up in the elevator named Betsy(named by a staff worker who physically has to make sure the doors close all the way before continuing onto the next floor). I get a kick out of the older women and their impatient sighs when Betsy decides to stop on ANOTHER floor before theirs. Oh ladies, it’s an elevator in a very large building—you should try on some patience. It’s quite becoming. But it takes all kinds I guess. I just smile to myself and appreciate the fact that I can enjoy the journey. I used to get frustrated with the unnecessary frustration/impatience of others, but really, that’s their reaction to deal with not mine. And doesn’t getting frustrated at them put me on the same playing field? Unnecessary energy towards something outside of my control? It’s a simple thing but I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately.
Renee hooked me up with information on a poetry discussion panel, taking place the second Thursday of every month. They kick things off in October with Emily Dickinson. I’m going to go to the November 13th discussion, which is e. e. cummings. Three poems will be discussed and I cannot wait to go to this. If you know me then you know how I feel about cummings. I’m beyond excited when I think about going somewhere to talk about my most favorite poet and his work. So glad it’s a reality and not just a dreamy concept in my head. Oh, and the event is free and open to the public(they encourage registration but it isn’t necessary). If you’re interested in attending, let me know.


