The heat split. Outside, it feels like September. The fences match the sky, the wind started kicking leaves down the street. It’s exciting to step on the porch and get a legitimate chill from the air.
Yes, I need to start a fall music compilation soon.
Oh and right around the corner? A little bit of this:
Well, obviously. Football.
Stephanie and her husband Christian were severely injured in a plane crash mid-August. They have 4 small children together. They have a very slow(and very expensive) recovery from their severe burn injuries.
Click here
if you wish to donate and/or send your thoughts for Stephanie, Christian, and their family.
No, I do not know them personally. But this is the positive nature of the internet–the power to bring a new community of people together to support others when they need it the most. The more eyes/ears/hearts/thoughts on this matter, the better.
All summer long, I anticipated change. Now change is the tour de force, and I have one hand holding onto my hat and the other cupped against the heart. Hellbent on staying in tune with what drives me, moves me, pushes me..now more than ever.
After this, one more day of work left. I’m amused by what’s happening. Certain people have stopped talking to me pretty much altogether, while others are talking to me for the first time..wishing me luck, asking me what comes next. Exit interview tomorrow. I crack my knuckles in anticipation. I’ll leave it at this: I have some things to say.
I’m nervous, so nervous. My plans unfortunately fell through for tonight so maybe I’ll just practice guitar, meditate on what’s coming. Write my heart out, pack for the trip to see the family. And wait. Wait like a champ.
I feel like disappearing. I guess I’m kind of doing that by getting out of town this weekend. Eh, I don’t know. I’m tired and stressed and I feel unbelieveably disconnected.
Friday is my last day of work at the current job. I’ve been there for two years now, and despite the grumblings, I’m sad to go. I will definitely miss the people I work with. It just wasn’t for me, and more importantly. I’m after a much larger picture. Monday I start working at Pitt, and I begin the admission process for going back to school. As with most jobs I have a grace period, and once that passes, I will start classes. I’ve wanted to go back for a long time, and now I am.
I’ve been working downtown since 2001, give or take a few breaks in employment while working the odd/adventurous job elsewhere. I’m so familiar with the downtown environment that it’s kind of creepy. I get off the bus, and the business mode kicks in. It’s a strange world to enter five days a week. I do not go downtown for anything else, save the odd show here or there.
Next week I will start working on a college campus, and I welcome the difference. But oh my am I nervous, and anxious, excited. Katie and I were talking about how crippling the anxiety over leaving a job/starting a new one can be. It is a bit nerve wrecking. I’m going to visit my family in Ohio for the weekend before the new venture starts, and hopefully that will provide me some much needed space to calm myself down, and meditate on all the good-good things ahead of me. I know that change can be hard, and this is a big one. I’m trying to handle it as best as I can, but I will admit that tonight I feel overwhelmed by all things turning, altering shape. I have been anticipating change all summer long—sometimes you can just feel it coming, but you have to be patient and accepting of the fact that you cannot define it just yet. Then change happens and quite quickly you feel umprepared; one foot feels around for the invisible brake. But once the motion has started…well. Take note that the brake is invisible, mythical.
Enter deep breath. It kind of feels like everything starts here. I’m going to start focusing on the studies ahead of me, continue work on my writing and on the self, and just be strong for what is next. I wish I wasn’t so nervous, but….it’s energy that I can use.
Came home to find a sharply dressed amazing someone in the hammock, waiting with shiny shoes crossed and Spak’s take-out.
Now that’s what I call wonderful.
I wish I could explain how excited I am for the reading tomorrow, to get on stage because it’s been a while. Just know this heart wants to bust. Writing means the world to me.
Next time, I’m told, I’ll need a doctor’s note. And the time after that, and the time after that. A doctor’s note for a condition I’ve had for about twenty years now. It’s a kick in the gut–the every now and then reminders of stupid things you have to put up with just because you’re prone to something beyond your control. You are made to feel broken. Or maybe I do that part to myself.
That being said, it needs to be a conscious effort to concentrate more on what is in my control than what is not. In my control: taking better care of myself. This is an across the board statement. Taking better care of my health, first and foremost(this includes mental well being, boy does it ever). Also, more heart in my friendships, more thoughts to the sentences. The older I get, the more the sentiment rings in my head: this is it. This is the go-round I get, and if I don’t make it what I want it to be, well then. There is no conclusion, no choice to that. You just have to.
I guess I have to remember: there are systems, and these systems are just systems, not necessarily limitations, but opportunities. Being everything more than they tell you that you can be. And it’s true, and it’s true, and it’s true.
Okay. I’m so frustrated with fixing my bike that I can’t even see straight. A trick to calm: educate oneself. Soooo…
Sheldon Brown’s Bicycle Glossary
A sweet, sweet reference guide.
