honeydunce

“the cocktail party”
t.s. eliot

Yes, it’s unfinished;
And nobody likes to be left with a mystery.
But there’s more to it than that. There’s a loss of personality;
Or rather, you’ve lost touch with the person
You thought you were. You no longer feel quite human.
You’re suddenly reduced to the status of an object-
A living object, but no longer a person.
It’s always happening, because one is an object
As well as a person. But we forget about it
As quickly as we can. When you’ve dressed for a party
And are going downstairs, with everything about you
Arranged to support you in the role you have chosen,
Then sometimes, when you come to the bottom step
There is one step more than your feet expected
And you come down with a jolt. Just for a moment
You have the experience of being an object
At the mercy of a malevolent staircase.
Or, take a surgical operation.
In consultation with the doctor and the surgeon,
In going to bed in the nursing home,
In talking to the matron, you are still the subject,
The centre of reality. But, stretched on the table,
You are a piece of furniture in a repair shop
For those who surround you, the masked actors;
All there is of you is your body
And the ‘you’ is withdrawn.
-To what does this lead?

-To finding out
What you really are. What you really feel.
What you really are among other people.
Most of the time we take ourselves for granted,
As we have to, and live on a little knowledge
About ourselves as we were. Who are you now?
You don’t know any more than I do,
But rather less. You are nothing but a set
Of obsolete responses. The one thing to do
Is to do nothing. Wait.

-Wait!
But waiting is the one thing impossible.
Besides, don’t you see that it makes me ridiculous?

-It will do you no harm to find yourself ridiculous.
Resign yourself to be the fool you are.
That’s the best advice that I can give you.
-But how can I wait, not knowing what I’m waiting for?

‘But what are you going to do?’
And I answer ‘Nothing.’ They will think me mad
Or simply contemptible.

-All to the good.
You will find that you survive humiliation.
And that’s an experience of incalculable value.
-[…]
And what is the use of all your analysis
If I am to remain always lost in the dark?

-There is certainly no purpose in remaining in the dark
Except long enough to clear from the mind
The illusion of having ever been in the light.