Marya Hornbacher is one of my favorite authors. She wrote her first book, “Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia,” in 1998(this book, by the way, is incredible. It is the most realistic depiction of ED that I have ever read). She also has a fictional book out there called “The Center of Winter.” I am currently reading her third book, “Madness,” which came out in April, 2008.

Deep breath. My god, this book.

First, let me say that Marya’s writing leaves me curled up in a chair for hours on end. She’s that kind of writer. Her style is hard to put down, and I love that about her. “Madness” holds true to this too….however. And yes there is a big however. The subject matter frightens me. I’ll admit that. Due to this fear I have to put down the book and walk away from it–for a day, two days. I have to be in a certain frame of mind, a quiet/alone time in my day, to pick it up again. It’s so strange to have such an intense reaction to reading material.

“Madness” is another memoir, written after Marya was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. If you are familiar with her work, then you know that she does not play nice–no corners are cut, no heavy stone spared. She will tell you, outright, what it means to descend into a personal hell. I’ve never read anything like it, which is a shame. It’s a shame that bipolar disorder is still this seemingly taboo topic. Marya puts the spotlight dead center on the subject. This is a very, very difficult read.

Reading about her early episodes, her experience with Prozac, reminds me so much of my hellish time with Paxil. We both had doctors that didn’t bother to monitor intake, and took it upon themselves to decide that “higher doses will help the problem.” There is a part in her book where she tells them, “I don’t think this is working,” and they respond with upping her dosage. My jaw dropped reading this, because I’ve been there. I said those exact words, and received the same answer.

I just read through her recount of seven different hospitalizations, and various electroshock therapies. This is where I had to put the book down again and catch my breath(seriously..I found myself holding it for most of the chapter). This woman has been through so much. I still have a good 70-something pages to go, and I know that there is no real resolve, not to an illness with no real “cure.” There are various methods, meds, and ways to “manage” bipolar disorder, but no real cure, no real send off. This is also the most difficult and beautiful part about Marya’s work(in regards to her memoirs). Loose ends are not tied. She’s honest. She makes it clear that there isn’t a real resolution.

In the back of the book, there are some facts on bipolar:

- # of american adults with bipolar disorder: 5.8 million (2.8% of the U.S. population)
- year the term bipolar was first used: 1980
- rate of alcoholism in bipolar men: 3 times higher than in the general population
- rate of alcoholism in bipolar women: 7 times higher than in the general population
- Year the Surgeon General gave his first report on mental illness: 1999

These are only a few of the facts listed.

This is such a difficult read, but so worth it. So very very worth it. I’m so thankful for Marya’s talent and intelligence–this book must have been so difficult to write, but I’m so glad that she did it. I’m so glad that she has chosen to share her struggle to educate others.