honeydunce

Many Thanksgivings ago, she was MIA.  We tried to wait for her–hunched little grouping at my aunt’s family table.  My aunt, but her family–not mine.  I didn’t mind going there since it was once a year, and a bit of tradition, and it gave my grandmother a chance to take a long ride in the car and get out of the house.  I loved to sit behind her in the car because she was so short, her brilliant red hair just barely a tuft from my line of sight.  She was so small to me, and downright miniature in a motorized vehicle. 

 Nobody touched their food but me.  I had already decided that I would eat counter-clockwise–start with potatoes, hit the greens, mingle my way to turkey, and come back ’round to the starches again.  This is a habit strictly reserved for holidays and huge family occasions.  I think it is a comfort thing.  We waited like fake flowers vaseless, making the kind of talk that is never made except when you are waiting for someone or something.  I listened for rummaging at the front door like a dog.  I thought she was on her way, and I thought this for hours.

The phone rang.  The receiver handed to my sister.  It’s hard to remember much, expect Thanksgiving was officially over and I crammed as much turkey in my mouth as possible, rolling more of it up into a napkin.  Mom was in jail. Mom was arrested. My sister had to go pick her up. Thanksgiving was over.  The once a year tradition ended with the ding of tines to plate.  Sometimes you just know these things.  On the way out I started memorizing things about my aunt’s house because I knew they wouldn’t be seen again.  I heard her son yell at his wife upstairs and his voice was gone from memory by the time I got in the car.  I knew a lot more than anyone would tell me.  I might have wondered what christmas would be like; I might have hoped for an impromptu gas station stop so I could tease my nose with the kickdrum scent of gasoline.  I migh have hoped that this was all a joke, and we were really just travelling to somewhere better–like the ocean, or to a bigger Thanksgiving dinner, or the park.  There wasn’t a frost yet.  We still had time.