Sunday, February 4, 2018

My inksister is moving to Hawaii. When she told me, I was not surprised. Her photographs from her visit there spoke to me, assured me of something different. Something planted and occurring. I was not surprised. Instead, I felt a rush of love and certainty, and I overflowed with support and told her as much. YES, I kept saying. It was as if she shoved her hand into the current pushing her and halted it all, switched its direction with decision. For so long I saw it carrying her, and over time I could sense her restlessness. I know that restless well. Outside of self it is an echo, a confirmation. While a small bit of me wonders when I will see her in person again, I am not worried. Every time we talk, we pick up right where we left off. Geographical location has never made much of a difference for us.

I spoke with another dear friend about the law of attraction. How we have both grown tired of the negative. How when you need help you seek it out. I'm doing better, I tell her. And I mean it.

It feels like we have all been crawling through this winter. The coldest in a long time. Snow that lingers at various levels for over a week, and when the ground is finally exposed the grass is yellowed, flattened into mud. Beaten down too under prolonged weight. Spring will feel like something holy.

I listen to weather and traffic reports just as I swore I never would. I have a wardrobe for work and another for play, and I dream so much it feels like living two lives. I'm learning to look up more. I put a hand on the face of all that dark and give one good shove backwards. I'll go an entire day without reading the news if it means keeping my good mood. Hope is a rope I've looped all over my body.

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