Friday, October 3, 2014

Unaware, lagged, found.

(This is outside of the window in J's study. Note the ram down below, chewing on grass and blissfully unaware of tomorrow's slaughter)

Today the jet lag hit me--I haven't left the flat. It's just before six pm and I'm sitting on the balcony. The air is cool, perfect for being outdoors. At one point I may have been almost motivated to walk to the coffee shop, but fatigue won everything. J and I worked out(of course I brought my Insanity DVDs again) and my muscles remain tight from the jumping and push ups. Something in my head rings and hums,a pesky potential of head pain. It's still fairly early but I'm ready for bed. This is funny compared to last night, when I didn't feel tired until three a.m. and half a sleeping pill. The air out here tonight smells like deliciously cooked things.

The sky is hazy, a mix of fading indigo with a blend of maroon, almost brown--if I were anywhere else I would think: rain. But not here. There is a slight breeze kicking at my hair ends, and I think of this moment vs last year, the year before, the one before that, until I am ten years behind myself in thought. I lost interest a while ago on reminiscing. When did remembering stop being so romantic? Did it ever? Maybe my present time is just that much more interesting for me. I think so.

J smiles and calls me an "old pro" at this now--this being the process of getting over here...the process of multiple planes and airports, layovers and lines. I can order food for myself but am still working on asking for the check. I am comfortable here, and that's a good feeling.

Is it weird or right to feel more comfortable in my skin when I fling myself further into what is unfamiliar? Is it being in a strange place that causes me to run into myself, pleasantly so, again and again? Do strange places mean different things for different people? It is easy to feel lost but I am genuinely surprised to feel a little found. 

I wish I wasn't so tired today/tonight. I would write more. Instead I think I'll finish dinner and find the pillow. More soon.





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