Wednesday, January 29, 2014

weather



This weather has cracked me in two. I don't feel like me. As if someone reached into me and tied all of my bones in a knot that is tightened between my shoulder blades. Constantly tense because I'm constantly cold, or getting ready to be cold. The bus ride to work is full of exhausted, bundled up individuals. All indoor floors are caked in salt. Even the stairs in my building that I run during every lunch break, scuffed with evidence of weather. I've started running the stairs again because it makes me sweat, and being hot/sweating is the closest I can get to feeling normal.

It feels like my environment, this unbelievable neverending cold, has dragged everything in me to the surface. All the things crammed down, pushed aside, shrugged off--it all bobs to the surface with teeth and barbs. I haven't seen the grass in a long long time. I'd like to.



The worst is sitting down to write. Every day feels the same--an effort to stay indoors, distracted, warm. Verses are paused in the frozen rivers, in the lake of my gut. Like unknowing goldfish never quite arriving.

The next few days will be in the upper twenties, thirties. This is the warmest it has been in a few weeks. How funny us humans, acclimating so quickly. World let me thaw soon.

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