Thursday, January 23, 2014

deep freeze blues

This winter is breaking me. This freeze with a name, this unreal chill that popsicles my bones. Little things. Like hitting snooze one(or three) too many times because the covers and cat are keeping me warm. The covers and cat are much more kind and sense-making. Little things like the slick slushed aisle on the bus, a rogue footprint in salt bent over threshold. It is the mood of everyone. My shoulders, sore from staying gripped and pitched forward. That cleaver of wind. All of this.

Groundhog Day of my environment. Ice, snow, random rain, ice, snow, wind, snow, ice. Layered cake of sameness, brilliant white of ground blanket blinding me. I stay stuck in the house--I feel too cold to truly be inspired. I've experienced greater amounts of snow, stranger swatches of ice, but this is the roughest winter I can recall trudging through. Saturday will be a heatwave--all of 28 degrees. By Monday the low is back to -9. Surely there are other more pressing things to complain about but with this weather I feel beyond complaint. I feel mostly checked out and bothered, unsettled.

Sweating feels strange and glorious. I bundle up for spin class and it is there I feel free, finally shedding layers and craving the fan. I ride the trainer at home and start dinner immediately afterward, shivering in damp workout clothes as I wait for the shower's hot water to warm up. I go to bed with socks on and always kick them off at some point during the night.

Jon is visiting in 11 days and I've been giving him the play by play on this shitty weather. I hope I can keep him comfortable. I also hope I can sneak into his carry-on for the return trip to Cairo. I miss Egypt so much.

I'm working on new material for upcoming shows. I stop and I start. I spend nearly 2 hours on half a page of poetry. The cold folds me inward, but somehow away from all these veins ready to burst with new words. As if they too are frozen/brittle/broken, as if they've taken on weather.

pictures from the last week, record on repeat/different day for each







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